BeautifulSoulOfMega

i'm telling you. so listen to me okay?

2011-07-23T22:38:00.000-07:00

i specifically write this to you. i want you to know that i never meant to hurt you. never in the million years will i do something that will hurt you. i know the feeling of lost you're having right now. coz i've been in that situation. so, i only be able to say that i am sorry and that if you want to yell at my face, i'll take it if that is what it takes for you to sincerely forgive me.

this is my classmates.

2011-07-09T22:29:00.000-07:00

personal statement-emotionally unstable

2011-07-04T01:09:00.000-07:00

hehs.wrong choice of phrase actually.let me clarify this carefully.
yes. sometimes i am too stiff and people might think that they did wrong to me. but no.they are not. i am probably mad at someone or sth, or maybe i am too lazy to speak or maybe that is the time of the month. Most of the times, I am too lazy to speak. i don't do much talking coz sometimes i feel like i hate it. the thought of moving my jaw and mouth over something that i don't like, bothers me.
you can say it's emotionally unstable to me too coz every girl in the world experience it once in a month. i have my time too. and when the time comes, i prefer to stay quite because i'm afraid if i talk, i might hurt someone's feeling.that why i prefer the silence.i like to think and keep it private to only me. because there are things you can't just spill to anyone. there are some thoughts people don't need to know coz they will hurt others.

so this is my weakness. and you all here happened to know this because i thought it's important for you to know who i am.

and yes i am a bit sensitive person when it comes to people using my weaknesses as a joke. Well, i think if you are in my shoes, you might feel the same when people keep talking about your weakness and turn it into some kind of jokes. the good thing about me is that, i don't fret and talk back to the person on his/her face. i don't have the temper or the courage to do that. you might see me as i am on the outside, but i am a soft girl in the inside. when you hurt my feelings, i cry. when you make something very sweet and touching, i cry. and when i lost a friend, i cry.
there are two people i wish they will read this because i don't dare to talk to them.
to the girl, i am not mad at you coz you pointing this whole thing out. i am not mad because it is not a lie. it is all but the truth. but the way you say it might get other people to understand the whole other concept. instead, you could say that i'm unpredictable coz you never have any idea what i am feeling. but i am just glad you thought this as a specialty about me even when i think it is as a weakness.

to the boy, yeah. i was mad at first. so mad, it made this as the first time i burst out my anger on facebook about you. this was not the first time i cry because of guys in KMB. i did before, several times. in fact, i did cry once because of things that you said to me before. probably because i was from a single-sex school, so i tend to take things serious when it comes to friendship with guys. like i said, i am sensitive. when something is not right, i cry. you just don't get to see and understand me because you never allow yourself to really know me. it is a harsh world, i know and i'm dealing with it. but still i am hoping that you would understand a girl's heart coz it's not the same as the guy's. we are not children anymore. we are adults and future doctors. and doctors don't go around making other people feel bad about themselves or make jokes others cannot accept. instead we console them and try to help and understand them.i try to make myself understand why you did it. but i don't see it coming near to mutual understanding. i might've said things i shouldn't say to a friend in my FB status. and for that, i am sorry.

p.s : i value the friendships and i love you guys damn a lot,

go away

2011-07-01T09:13:00.000-07:00

nyah kau dari sini, wahai cinta manusia.
tolong pergi :(

tolong jgn cakap lagi

2011-06-30T00:48:00.000-07:00

Hari ini aku rasa hari yang paling memenatkan kepala. Memikirkan masalah masa depan yang tak sudah-sudah. Aku dibelenggu dengan dilemma nak pilih UK ke atau Ireland untuk first choice aku. Macam-macam aku fikir. Pikir pasal umi dan ayah, kemampuan aku dan benda-benda tntg diri aku yang aku kena gi tanya orang. Aku tanya cikgu,layak tak aku apply UK? Aku tanya diri aku, mampu kah aku nak dpt 36 excluded bonus points dlm IB final exam nanti? Memang la skrg lebih kurang tu je result aku tapi skrg banyak carry marks. that's why dpt result bagos. Ireland letak bapak tinggi. 36 excluded bonus points.Mati aku. UK pulak ok la tetapi susah nak dpt interview. Aku takde la confident aku nyer Personal Statement bapak awesome yang membolehkan semua mat salih suka ps aku. Tapi risiko letak UK as the first choice sangat tinggi. Tambah pulak bila dengar pendapat orang lain.
Sampai la satu masa, aku dah penat sangat nak pikir, aku letak je Ireland as the first choice. Sebab that's where my parents hope i will be. Plus, aku dh lame set pikiran aku kt Ireland.Cuma di saat akhir camni, macam2 la datang.
Lepas tu aku pikir. tak kisah la aku letak yang mana satu first choice. Kalau yg second choice terbaik bagi aku, sure ALLAH kasi aku yg 2nd tu. So, tak payah susah2 nak pikir. Apa-apa pun Dia akan kasi aku yang terbaik je. Aku hanya mampu berdoa agar Dia sentiasa bimbing aku. Terima kasih Ya ALLAH :D

14 tahun sudah...hahaha.

2011-06-29T01:09:00.000-07:00

ceh. Ahmad Faiz Din bin Samsudin sudah menjangkau umur 14 tahun. Akhirnya, adikku sudah besar.

entri tanpa sebab

2011-06-25T08:50:00.000-07:00

nanti sy buat entri lagi bagus next time bole?
sekarang tengah busy dgn personal statement,cv,world lit, ia, tok and ee. :D

when He gives you pain

2011-05-01T05:38:00.000-07:00

Allah is the Most Merciful. He gave a pain that at first I thought was unbearable for me. But now I am positive that I can handle this.

Long story short, I hurt my waist when I was about to wear a shorts. I bent down and then suddenly there was a clicking sound in my waist. It was funny when I think about it. But it was the worst pain I ever felt on my back. I couldn't even bend forward. Luckily, there were Dhila and Che Ti. I would've cried my eyes out if it weren't because of them. My room mate wasn't in the room when it happened and I had to call Dhila to come to my room.

At that time, what I was feeling was probably WHY NOW?

But then I realized I really had no right to question what has He decided for me. I just have to accept it and look at it from the bright side.

Yeah, there is a bright side to this.
First I think this pain that He gave me is like a wake up call for me. I wasn't being nice to myself and to Him up until the incident happened. I think this is the main reason He gave me this pain. He wants me to put Him in my mind all the time and He certainly wants me to depend on Him.

Second, I remembered going to the surau the night before for the COOLSEM session which fyi, is like a tazkirah session after the maghrib prayer. One of the seniors was saying about we are wrong if we think that when Allah gives us something nice to us, He takes something from us.
I came to know some people who think that their loss of their beloved ones after the exams were the price they had to pay to get good results in the exams.So its like, the cost for the pain of losing someone is like an opportunity cost that one has to give in in order to get something nice from Him. That is wrong. That is how human usually think.
In my case, I began to think whether it is a pain that He gave me or it is something extremely nice, it will be all the 'ujian' from Him.

Third, He won't give something that we couldn't handle. Even if we think that we cannot bear with pain, it's actually we can but we never try.

Fourth,I bonded even more with my neighbours, Khadijah, Dhila and Che Ti. They took care of me when I wasn't feeling good. And they are among the nicest people I know in KMB.

I cannot deny the pain that I felt,but the thought of Him watching me right now who is trying to send this message about Him to whoever who might read this, and the thought of His love and care for me overpower the nothingness of the pain.

p.s : i still need to go to the clinic to get a check-up.

girls' night out

2011-04-30T23:01:00.000-07:00

so that was it. last night. Nadhila, Khadijah, Che Ti, Dayah Amir and me went to the LT1 to watch a movie. It was a korean movie and it was organised by the KMB's Korean Cultural Club (KCC). Sounds funny to you? I must say they are pretty awesome and are active too.
and to think about it, it was good thing to watch on-screen movie once in awhile especially when, now we can all feel the heat of the semester 2 final exam which would be determining our placement. Plus, you just have to pay RM 1 to watch it and its a lot better than go to the real cinema. and my ticket was paid by Khadijah since she was the one who asked me to go with her.

so basically the movie "Postman To Heaven" is about a postman,Hero (DBSK) who sends letters to the heaven. that postman can only be seen by those who live in despair because they remember and still cannot let go their deceased loved ones. And this girl he met is one of them. Blah blah. They fell in love. because the girl started to like him, she started to forget about her deceased lover and she started to unable to see this postman. Meaning that, the postman started to become invisible to her until one day he is totally gone. THE END.

the movie is not the best but what makes it less boring is that the characters mostly are joke. only the main actor is the most serious one. But overall, okay la.

mixed feelings.

2011-04-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

Allah Maha Besar dan Berkuasa.
Dia beri aku rasa suka kepada seorang lelaki ni yang biasa-biasa je.
Lelaki ni rasenya lelaki yang paling aku suka tengok. muka tak lah handsome sangat tapi smart la.
muka dia sangat tenang untuk dipandang.dan rambut dia agak nipis sikit. tapi tu la sebab aku suka lelaki ini. Punya la aku dok suka lelaki ni, aku wat probability berapa banyak chances dia akan suka aku balik. ada la dpt satu nombor. pastu aku buat ratio
'P(aku suka dia) : P(dia suka aku)'
so results dari kiraannya ialah sangat besar perbezaannya. bila aku sedar akan ratio ni, aku pun reduce tahap kesukaan aku kat dia jadi satu angka yang aku pun tak sure.

Allah itu Maha Bijaksana.
Dia beri aku rasa suka kepada seorang lelaki ni. dan Dia beri aku seorang kawan untuk mendengar penyakit hati yang paling dasyat untuk seorang perempuan ni yang tengah aku alami. Kawan aku cakap, kalau dah probability aku sekecil tu, it is very unlikely to happen. kurang dari 0.25 kot.haha. plus, aku just tahu nama dia je. and lelaki ni pon rase nya tak tahu aku. so, kawan aku pun menyedarkan aku tentang realiti hidup ini and beri aku link kepada blog lelaki ini.

Allah itu Maha Pemurah.
Dia beri aku rasa suka kepada seorang lelaki ni. aku pun baca blog lelaki ini. browsing punya browsing, ada la satu post ni cakap pasal perancangan hidup lelaki ni. aku pun tergaman dan terus rase chances drop to zero. aku je rase.tp aku bersyukur sebab at least membaca blog dia betul-betul menyedarkan aku tentang situasi aku sakarang.

Exam semester 2 dah tak lama lagi. aku belum habis revise lagi. tapi aku amazed dengan kuasa Allah. Dia beri aku rasa suka kepada seorang lelaki ini tapi Dia beri aku halangan pula. Aku bersyukur kerana at least Allah masih memelihara iman aku.

kalau umi tahu aku suka seorang lelaki, mahu nya kena lecture sebab exam dah dekat. tapi tu la, aku hanya mampu berdoa supaya jodoh aku adalah yang terbaik. aku percaya orang tu or bakal suami aku tu ada kt somewhere kt dunia sekarang, tapi aku mahu calon suami aku tahu dia lah first untuk aku. aku nak jadi first untuk dia gak. And biar dia jadi the first dalam segala-segalanya untuk aku termasuk first boyfriend/lover, first bouquet dpt dari dia, first chocolate yang sgt banyak dari dia, first kiss dari dia and banyak lagi. memang banyak perkara "first dalam list aku". so aku nak jadi semua tu dia bagi aku.

Allah Maha Penyayang.
aku sure dia kasi aku yang terbaik nanti. mase tu probability aku dengan suami aku dah jadi,
'P(aku suka dia) : P(dia suka aku)'
100% : 100%

So. to my dear future of whoever and wherever you are right now, i miss you (since aku tak tahu kat sape lagi aku nak cakap imy kan) and i'm waiting for you.

p.s : aku harap lelaki yang aku suka tu berjaya dalam IB bulan 5 ni.

your heart is YOUR heart.

2011-02-21T03:52:00.000-08:00

some people might say facebook is fun.but as for me, it become more boring, and the way its technology improved rapidly scares some people like me. maybe you think that this is all lie (about how boring fb is). i do feel the boring-ness but on the same time, i still feel the need to have a fb account or at least not to deactivate my fb account. too many people from all walks of life have fb accounts. and now it has become one of the way of global communication. so its quite impossible to deactivate my account in the way it will be hard to communicate with people and to get information about tasks and meeting (because sometime they just post at the group's wall about upcoming meeting or any announcement) .so in order to keep up-to-date i still need my fb account.
however there a lot of annoying things about it for me. it has a strong effect on people's personality.in my life. i've met many kinds of people. people who claimed to be heartless, where actually they are not and people who simply likes to express themselves in words. these kind of people just express what they feel right at the moment without second thoughts. i used to be this kind of people. it used to be fun to let people knew how cool you were but it turned out to be not fun anymore.
so, i knew this girl from my past. she has a facebook account. and she likes to write about her feelings a lot.when she broke up with her boyfriend, she wrote something about he's so gonna regret this, i don't lose anything by breaking up with you, blah, blah and blah. the posts were okay at first since they showed how she was trying to get over the break up. but then after some time. she began to write something like, my life is better without you, you didn't mean anything to me anymore, why you keep bothering me, why did you appear in front of me,blah,blah,blah and blah. and then it became a lot worse. the posts started to show how 'emo' she is. posts like 'you're jerk, i don't need you lah, i am lot better than her, please stop playing with my heart, blah,blah and blah.
i feel sorry for her for not knowing how pathetic the posts sounded like. if only she knew that when she was busy trying to prove to everyone at facebook how strong she was to go through this life alone, she just didn't know how sorry people towards her. sorry for her for not being able to get over the guy.
perhaps i am do not feel any empathy towards her. babe, come on la. teenage love is not everything.you should realized that you're gonna meet far more better boys than him. you should know that its pathetic when you keep posting the same things everyday when this guy is already move on. if only you know that certain feelings are best to keep to yourself and not let other people know.
so, perhaps there's anyone out there who has a friend/s like this girl i knew, perhaps we could just tell her or him about how boring for us to read that kind of posts every single day from her or him.
just turn to Him when you really need to express all your feelings. or else you can just tell one or two your close friends. isn't that friendship is all about?

p.s : Allah knows the best for us.

samsudin bin awang

2011-02-20T01:00:00.000-08:00

19 years of my life cannot be anymore perfect without you.

the older you get, the more handsome you are
and for that i am very thankful that my father is still a good-looking man,
and the older you get, the richer you are than before
and for that i am much much more thankful because i can still mooch you.
most of all,
the older you get, i love you more and more.
and i love you so so so so so so so so much..

bonda and ayahanda ;)

2011-02-19T07:28:00.000-08:00

i cried, of course. many times, remembering how much fun it would be to be home. i feel like i was 15-year-old again. when at that time, i have the greatest tribulation in my life in terms of health. it was the time that i had anemia which annoyed me in the way that i was the regular patient at the Hospital Putrajaya and the fact that i spent quite a lot of time per week there. besides anemia, i also had my first migraine attack which i thought that i was lucky enough to have a minor migraine. away from my parents and family, it was hard to face this phase of life alone in a boarding school. plus the tension that we got for being the form three student who would be sitting for the PMR. i tried to be cool in front of my family, my parents specially. i told them it was nothing and painless. i lied. i did not tell them the part where i passed out several times due to lack of oxygen because of lack of red blood cells and had migriane several time also.the second annoying part was to be injected two or three times per visit. (the first was to be the regular patient at the hospital)
being tough and cool was everything at that time. in the mean time, i can't wait to go home.going home means no more visit to the hospital. no visits to the hospital mean no injection or drawing out blood.i was homesick and that year was a year when i cried the most in my life.

and now, same things happen. only now i am very healthy. thanks to Allah for that. but i do miss parents terribly. so terrible that i feel if i have enough money and time, i will just go back to kelantan now. i think the older i get, the more 'manja' i get. and the last time i was home, i felt jealous toward my older niece, Damia Amani because i thought my father paid a lot more attention to her than to me. my mother said i must be a 4-year-old girl to feel jealous towards a 3-year-old like that which is, i was not 4 at that time because actually i was 18.

telling all this stuff doesn't really make me feel better because i just came across my sister, famieza's fb post telling that my father just had a dinner with her. just the two of them. i am so jealous.

i wish time will pass quickly because i can't wait for march 11 to go home.

p.s : Allah knows the best for us.

EmirulEmran,Ikhwanul Alif and Tengku Osman Kalish

2011-02-18T08:00:00.000-08:00

emirul emran - EE
ikhwanul alif - IA
tengku osman kalish - TOK

just had the EE briefing . first key to a smooth and fun EE-making is the search of the BEST research question ever. and how to find one is unexplainable . i have one already and i hope to find a back-up . please do not reject my RQ...

IA for economics is not finish yet.well, i haven't get started yet.

the practice for the TOK essay is in the progress .it was a good idea to practice writing it before writing the real one . thanks ms lila .

please, give me enough time to finish all these before the dateline .

p.s: Allah knows the best for us ;D

show me your moneyMONEY.

2011-02-14T05:18:00.000-08:00

in a situation like this, where i cant help but to wonder when can ever be a moment when i don't need to pay for anything and my money stays as much as it is. but then again, the money we posses now is not really ours.

i'd be lying if i said it's okay to not have money.because i surely need it during the emergency times. especially during the times when i do not have time to eat my lunch at DS because i need to rush to solat and for other class or talks to attend.

and for me, to make myself feel much better in this situation, i keep reminding myself about the best and successful business in the world. that is, you invest in something that is not for your own good, be it a charity or something that doesn't benefit you in terms of monetary, then Allah surely will give you a more profitable return.

As He already said,

"sesungguhnya orang-orang lelaki mahu pun perempuan dan meminjamkan kepada Allah dengan pinjaman yang baik, akan dilipat gandakan balasannya bagi mereka, dan mereka akan mendapat pahala yang mulia."
(57:18)

so all i have to do now is to have the feeling that all the money i spent is because of Allah in hope that Allah will give me something better in return. perhaps, more money from fathermother or perhaps MARA will give rise to its scholar's monthly pocket money.

please Ya Allah Ya Rahman,
please help me to go through this.

p.s : Allah knows the best for us.

not a day without meetings?

2011-02-02T03:11:00.000-08:00

this semester was quite hectic.everybody has commitment, i'm sure. and everyone is trying to cope with this busy life.
IB oh IB. why is it so special about you that makes you to have a full authority on our lives?
i wish life is easier but come to think again, if life is easier, it will not be challenging.if it is not challenging, it makes us think that we already have everything in life and if that happens, the dependency to Allah lessens. And it is not good to have less dependency to Allah.
sometimes i see myself trying to give full commitment to my responsibilities. i see other people do the same too. however, at times like this, when we get too carried away with the duniawi matters, we forget our real commitments.we forget why God creates us even though Malaikat said that human is nothing but the destroyer. But Allah knows better. That's why He created Adam and the rest of us. but we forget about Him. we forget why we were created in the first place. there are two verse in the Quran that explain why Allah create us.

"Dan ingatlah ketika Tuhanmu berfirman kepada para malaikat, "Aku hendak menjadikan khalifah di bumi". Mereka berkata "apakah Engkau hendak menjadikan orang yang merosakkan dan menumpahkan darah di sana, sedangkan kami bertasbih memuji-Mu dan menyucikan nama-Mu?'' Dia berfirman, "Sungguh, Aku mengetahui apa yang tidak kamu ketahui''
(2:30)

"Aku tidak menjadikan jin dan manusia melainkan untuk beribadah kepadaKu"
(51;56)

that explain everything. ibadah and khalifah. are we after that now? it is a good thing to ponder about that.i speak from my own mouth and body that sometimes also get too carried away. well, most of the times, i guess. but i think its best to keep reminding ourselves, do we give full commitment to our real responsibilities ; ibadah and khalifah?
Allah never tell us to abandon the matter of duniawi such as our responsibilities and commitment because that is how we can be amanah but He also wants us to chase after the ukhrawi. because Ukhrawi is the most important aspect in our life.

so, let do that people.
do not get too carried away with life.
there is such thing as 'life is only once'
but there is no such thing as 'enjoy life to the fullest' in Islam.

i am talking here not because i am perfect. but this is one of the way for me to keep reminding myself about my life. remember, people. this world is not everything. if we care how and what other people see us as and not how God sees us as, better we reflect on ourselves.

lets change, people.

p.s : Allah knows the best for us.

i turn to you.

2011-01-30T01:05:00.000-08:00

often when we had a problem, when our chest become dense with our non-stop problem, we tend to consult a friend. we tell him or her, about how stupid we are when we get low marks in the test. we tell them how sad we are when our crush is coupling with other girl, we tell them how busier we got when time seems shorter than it used to be. we tell them how pathetic we are to like someone who will never like us back. and what else? we tell our friends everything. we shared everything. every little secrets. and every small details to the every little secrets. we stayed up late at night just talking in hope that their words will make us feel better.and those who had a boyfriend or a girlfriend, they tell their partners the problem they had with their life.

situations like this happen a lot. every day there will be at least a time when we feel lonely and we need someone to talk to. happens to me. i may not have a boyfriend. but i have a friend who is a boy who used to be very close to me. at times, i was pretty sure that he was my soulmate because he seemed to understand me better than anyone ever did. he seems to be there whenever i needed him.but that's the old story and the story about how my life seemed to change in a way that most people probably do not care about is like this.

this happened to me and it involved the very same person, this guy named A. it was during the semester exam, after the economics test, that i felt i was going to fail this subject. i texted him and told him how pathetic i was, to finish reading all my notes and book but still not able to answer the test the way ready people should. at first, he listened. and then he after a few messages, he suddenly said, 'can we talk later? i have to...(or something like it)'. then it hit me like a bullet and suddenly i became more aware of how pathetic i was to be telling someone about my problem when that someone was not really listening.then, just like a cool breeze, this thought hit me. why on earth would i be telling other people especially a guy who is not even my husband about my problem? wouldn't i supposed to tell my God about it?

then i quickly took wudhu and performed a solat. at the end of the meeting with my God, i told him about all my problems and about the guy. He listened to my problem, i was 100% sure about it. and He waited till i calmed down which did not really take that much of time because just by talking to Him, i felt a weird feeling of calmness. i knew from the time, that whenever i had a problem, it's Him whom i should turn to. He likes our dependency to Him. He likes it very much when we cry in front of him. and if you ask me how i became so sure about this, is because,
i came across this verse a long time ago when at that time, i didn't pay much attention to this verse.

''Dan apabila hamba-hambaku bertanya kepadamu wahai Muhammad tentangKu, maka sesungguhnya Aku DEKAT. Aku kabulkan permintaan orang yang berdoa apabila dia berdoa kepada-Ku. Hendaklah mereka itu memenuhi perintah-Ku dan beriman kepada-Ku agar mereka memperoleh kebenaran'' {2:186}

so people how much longer do we want to deny His right on us? and how much longer do we want to deny our soul's right to depend on its Creator? stop denying because the longer we do that, the stronger setan's force on us. we need Him not only at the rough times when we usually did, but also at the times we feel most free and joyful. seek Him and let Him makes us feel much better.He, Allah the Most Gracious and Most Merciful do not need us but we need Him more than anything.

so, people, take wudhu and tell Him your every problem though He already knows everything. if not,open your Quran, read it, and let it soothe you.

p.s: Allah knows the best for us.,

hey, sleepyheads.

2011-01-15T00:23:00.000-08:00

everyday class starts at 8.
and by 10, you cant wait for the recess time.
most boys in my class can't wait for recess time because they can't wait any longer to fight for nasi lemak at the 'kantin'. and most girl, well, practically we only eat the DS's food instead of nasi lemak.

and by 11, due to the unexplainable effects of the nasi lemak and the food we were eating before during the recess, we already got the heavy eyelids. some yawn every one minute, some are trying to cover their yawning mouths, some are just 'go with the flow' and sleep.

11am tp 2pm is a very tough time for most of us. and this scenario reminds me of a story told by a hamba Allah long time ago. the story goes like this.

'' in a class, during a free time, when no teacher came in, a girl slept and her friend was trying hard to wake her up. fed up with her friend, the sleepy girl woke up and open her Quran. then she same across a verse in the Quran..

' ingatlah ketika Allah membuat kamu mengantuk untuk memberi ketenteraman dari-Nya, dan Allah menurunkan air hujan dari langit kepadamu untuk menyucikan dirimu dengan air hujan itu dan menghilangkan gangguan-gangguan setan dari dirimu dan untuk meguatkan hatimu serta meneguhkan telapak kakimu.'

what a great verse, isn't it?
Allah just know when our soul needs remedies. and when we most need some thing, He give that something instantly to make us realize. and about the story, when the sleepy girl came across the verse, she laughed knowing ho much care Allah gave to her and Allah Himself woke her up.
how sweet is our God? the only one that should be in our heart?

so, considering the above verse, i think, from my own judgement, Allah gave us the sleepiness to help us to have a rest so that when we wake up, we become fresher and stronger to fight the setans.

so, everybody and to myself also,. whenever you feel sleepy, go to the toilet and wash your face. dont be too lazy to go to the toilet, yea?

p.s ; Allah knows the best for us.,

'so sweet'

2010-12-12T08:39:00.000-08:00

So frustrating. Thought it would be nice to watch Malay film once in awhile, but then again, it was so frustrating.I watched this one Malay film, everything was good, the storyline was not that bad, but the interactions especially the skin-ships between the main actor and actress were so annoying.They were acting as if they are real husband and wife which by any way, they are not. Perhaps they are forgetting the limits to be uphold as Muslims. And often when being asked whether they are comfortable with all the skin-ships, these actors and actress just said that they have to do what the director told them to. Shouldn't they at least have some self-principles so that they never been over the limit as Muslims? And shouldn't these directors, the Muslims one, use all the 'power' they have in their hands to 'berdakwah secara berhikmah'? What in the world is happening now?

so annoying.

*praying for the Rise of Islam as He already promised.

i miss speaking in french

2010-10-17T09:19:00.000-07:00

je serai là quand vous m'appelez au milieu de la nuit et je garderai la pluie de la chute vers le bas dans votre vie. et je t'aime plus journalier.

bad news.im returned from death.

2010-09-20T05:03:00.000-07:00

its feels like years since the last time i really have the feeling to pour everything out in here.
my last entry was on January about my job as a tutor, in case everyone didn't remember.
well, i deleted it. in fact, i deleted all my other entries.
this thought come to me only just now.
i just want to start fresh.and im leaving all the memories behind.its not that i regretted any of them, well, yes, actually, i do regret some things in my life. but i've move on. and life just go on as it always has.i really want to start anew now that i enjoy my life to the fullest.believe me.

im sure some are still wondering where am i now??
what I've been up to now? am i lost a teeneger or what?
no, i think its the time for some catching-up session,

currently,
i am a college student at MARA College Banting and is doing International Baccalaureate (IB) from June 2010 until May 2012.Extra info, its pretty similar to A-Levels programme. only i can say that IB is more complicated and the good thing is that it is well accepted at the world top universities such as Harvard, Princeton, Oxford or Cambridge, in case you have some i-don't-think-will-come-true-dreams. not unless you try so hard. OK, enough on mumbling. i am MARA scholarship student.and i'll having my first degree of medicine in either UK or Ireland, hopefully. i am a doctor-to-be. and being in KMB is almost a bless in disguise. its a college in that is pretty much like being in Seri Puteri. except for the fact that you don't have school uniform and you're having pocket money every months.

Believe me, its double ten the commitment you had when you were going to sit for SPM. Not that i say SPM is easy, its never easy and never will. So, i guess i wont be having too many time to update my blog or anything.When i have some leisure time, i will update this page. now that i know people cant wait for me to keep blogging. i am pretty good, i guess?? nah, that is a joke.

mangsa dera atau accident??

2009-09-08T03:07:00.000-07:00

first day of school after the overnight wasn't bad at all unless you got some sort of red spots on your face.and thats what happened today, during the whole school hours.answering all those questions from friends and teachers.repeating the same thing all over again.that at one time i felt like going to the front of the class and told everybody what really happened.but i didnt.and sometimes when all the questions rained on me, the answers surely been something else.

during addmath.
tchr : nape ng muka awk tu, farhanis?
sy : *alamak,soalan plg best dh dtg.Sy kena gigit ng serangga.
tchr : sy ingat ke awk accident.nmpk mcm teruk jer.
sy : eyh, tak der la.sy balik pun tak.

mcd : weyh, nape muke??
sy : * smbil 'menitis' kn air mata.Aku mangsa dera suami..dh la kena tinggalkan..
mcd : kecian..

nini : weyh, znick aku tak perasaan.nape ng muka??
sy : aku accident.gi racing semlm.best ow.tp kne seret.sakit la.
nini : seyes la.
sy : betul ape.

some many answers i gave them.sorry, girls.i'd lie.you know, you'll get bored when you have to repeat the same thing again and again.ok la.

the truth is that,
i was stung by some kind of insect which i dont know.( dont ask me what it is).when i woke up on sunday, my face swollen.it limited my sight and of course, the pain was unbeariable.i kept asking myself why it should on my face.but then, i realised, God thought it was the best for me. but still i felt a sudden anger at that creature.thank God i didnt know what it is cause if i do,it'll be dead by now.i am gonna smash it and crash it with my fullest strenght.but if only it was a cockroach, i'll give a second thought.heh.

so, girls dont look at me as if i am an alien lost on the earth.i am still human, though.but with red swollen face.if you want to have a look at this girl's face, look at her when you think she dont realise you are staring at her.

p/s : i'll get over this in weeks, i think.

o5o9

2009-09-05T05:47:00.000-07:00

it was just now, i was browsed through the old photos of us when i came to the idea of publishing a post about them.yesterday was one of the historical for all of us, the o5o9 especially ORIOn as it was the date when we celebrates our birthday.and it was the fifth this time and it felt odd when almost all the orion were not here, at the school.in fact, i have to admit, i forgot the date by myself until umi reminded me of the date.how i wished all the orions would be at the hostel and sang the birthday song at the gemala puteri like we used the previous years.
if we recalled back our memories,i think there was one time when we run to the gemala puteri n shouted something, (i dont remember, what, i think it was a good luck wish) to the senoirs.at that time. i thought it was somekind of stupid thing to do, you know.why should we shouted like that just to wish good lucks to the seniors.but then, to recall back things like that nowadays, it made me realised that no matter how stupid it was, it indeed a sweet memory of us together.i wished we can do that this year, seems it is our final year.

for me, to be at a school of all girls was a wierd gift from God.i never wished to be in one eventhough one of my sister did studied in allgirls school.i rarely talked to girls during my primary school days.accepting the challange made by my very best boyfriends,i came here.and found out,it was not bad at all to be in all girls school.and to make friends with girls.i was in 1 restu during the first year.it was a fun class, with anisah selamat there.(she moved out a year later).the most favourite thing to do at that time was, of course, sleeping.i think because we all were very tired doing all the things a junior should do with the seniors acting like bosses.

the girls in my class who slept during recess.anisah selamat snapped the pictures.

Serve the table in the evening was a compulsory thing to do.how odd it is to remember the experience of running into dining hall to get extra foods because if we dont, the senoirs will definitely scold and lecture us whether at the table during the dinner or at the first floor after night prep.which sometimes resulted us in bursted into cries because it was our favourite senior who scolded us just now or not eating during the dinner.now, i understand very well their feeling when my own junoir didnt serve the table with enough food and drinks.well, i dont lectured the juniors.we are, i think, the most kindest seniors ever existed in SSP.'dasar tidak layan junior' was what practised since we were form2,

still in the 1restu. coming to the 2006, the level seniority increased a little.but still we were juniors.but we enjoyed our lives more than we did the previous year.the picture was taken during our 2nd sports day in ssp.we were the topaz girls who often, i must admit, got jeolous with our friends form other houses because our house was not that 'shining' among the RESt.but then it was a fun day when as usual we ended our day eating KFC at the dorm.one best thing about being a form 2 student is that our dorms were at top floor.totally having the best privacies eventhough there were still senoirs in the dorms.

entering 2007 was quite scary, i guess when we started to call ourselves 'the pmr candys'.

for me, being in 3 pintar was the best experince i ever had.i dont know why.maybe because of the student.eventhough, never a second,silence filled the air, we still performed during the exams.

with those who were very skema like amalina to the most lepakcool like heyya, the class was still the happening of all.i remembered the time when we all got A for mathematics in the trial, then cg aznita brought us to the taman warisan putrajaya to eat sate kajang hj samuri.and several times with cg GIrl ( cg ridhuan) to the putrajaya lake to lepak while enjoying our rotiboys.

i like cg girl very much.i think that was why i perfomed very well in geography.he was called cg,girl because the way he adressed us as 'girls' in the class was very funny.unlike KH, i've been fighting my whole junoir life just to get A in that subject.i think others were same too.cg,azanah?

although was scary, i think she was the best KH teacher ever.in this year. the bonds between the girls were stronger than before because of the broga experince and all the activities together.the most unforgetful moment was when we succeeded to be the best batch ever performed in the pmr after getting the highest number of 8A.126 of us did.the other 30, i believe had done their best but luck werent with them.but still they were the best because our results was a lot better than the previous years.thanks to ALLAH.

at MMA at sime drby cnvention center,the 3 pintar students.the table sponsored by nayzu's daddy.

starting 2008 with the form one orientation was a quite a challange,seeing the first task for us with intan as our new batchleader.i didnt mean to boast,but this is the best talent night ever made in ssp.the theme halloween,the characters( goblin, fairies, witch and wizards),not to forget the MCR girls and izzati as the best dog actress.haha.it was a very succesful which started with the arrivals of all the student with all the characters lined up on the right and left side, with face hidden in the hoods,painted with scars and with all the scary masks that really frightened the students.i, myself was a witch that night with broomstick in my hand.then, when guests arrived, the bangers started their dance, the ramalama bang.i think it was the most polite dance i ever seen,.you know, the zombies were wearing tudung.haha,.i cant believe it,it was scary and polite in some ways.compliments to ilyia and emy.then, the host came in, heyya as the vampire pulling the coffin with CJ, the fairy in the coffin.they were great that night.with all the dark surrounding and balloons floating in the air.i really wanna get back to the time.

the backgrounds.
it was a weird year,though when i was dared by a senoir f5 who underestimated my girl's capibilities.she dared me to join the cheerleaders and wore skirts..well, i was.and i still remember her face reddened when we were annouced as the champion.to be true, she was a ruby girl whose house won the cheerleading competition all the years.i was bad at that time that i stood up and quickly looking for her.and of course i congratulated her for being the second.haha.serve her right.

we were about to handle the teachers day.we came out with the theme SANTAI as we were just finished our mid year exams.so the teachers also must marking all the papers.as soon as the exam finished, we started working.builing up a beach in the middle of cyberjaya was a hard job but fun.yeah,finally we did it.the day was fun, isn't it??with the orion bistro, orion beach, the bicycles and roller blades to deliver the foods and the massage manda offered to the teachers.

we did our best to please them.

being a senior was a challange.the older you are, the more problem you get.whether it was with your friends, your juniors and even the teachers.but never mind all that, life has to move on. i dont look back coz i hate thinking about the past.

and now here we are.the f5 students who are in the final stake of our lives here.i proud to be an ORION and the most importantly, i am proud to be a sspian.i dont know why i was telling all this.i know somehow we all did know them already.we were the ones who experienced them.but like i said, the idea just hit my head, OUCHH.so, i wrote this with the hopes that every orion who read this, treasure this little time left for us.

maybe if you are not a sspian, and you know very little about sspians, dont just misjudge us with your words.remember everyone makes mistakes including you.

really, i dont know why i wrote that.as my final words for this post,

if you are an o5o9, hepi birthday.enjoys,treasure and appreciate the time left.

and to all orions,

i love you girls.

dont forget,

join the PUTERI!

once sspians, forever sspians.